Taylor’s Story

Here is a story submitted by Taylor.  Please note, Taylor originally included the names of the pastors involved, as well as of the church locations.  Because of her desire to protect her children’s identities, we agreed that names and locations would be edited out or replaced with pseudonyms.

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I’m afraid my story is not unique.

My husband and I spent many years at our Sovereign Grace church, first as young adults and then later after we married and had kids. We homeschooled, we got involved in home group, and created a nice little bubble for ourselves. We looked the part and believed what we were told to believe and even though we never fit the mold, we kept trying.

The thing was, though, my husband had a porn addiction that was kept hidden (because a Godly wife doesn’t reveal her husband’s sins to the world, or even to close friends). He would get caught, he would “repent” and humble himself, and I was to forgive him. A vicious pattern that would repeat itself over and over, and would set the stage for what was to come.

As I said, we did homeschool our children.  However, it always felt like we were marginalized, as we weren’t able to participate in the classes and co-ops and support groups within the church.  Still we kept on homeschooling.

It all came to a head when I discovered that my husband had been sexually abusing our 10-year-old daughter. I had felt something was not quite right for a couple months, but could not figure out what was going on, and kept telling myself that I was imagining things, that it was Satan putting evil thoughts in my head, that it couldn’t possibly be anything like I thought. My  husband had always expressed such disgust at this sort of thing that I was sure he wasn’t capable of it. And yet the thoughts and feelings continued. I would catch them alone in a room, with my daughter sitting on his lap, or he would call her down to the basement to do some chore with him alone. He started spending a long time putting her to bed each night, but only a few minutes with our other children, while I was busy with the toddler.

One night, I am not sure why I did this, but I went into my daughter’s room to kiss her goodnight after her father had gone downstairs to get on the computer, and I said to her, “You know, honey, NO one, not even me or Daddy, has the right to touch you in your private areas”. And she started crying and said that Daddy had been doing just that every day for a long time, and making her touch him as well.

I fainted right there across her bed. Then quickly came to, and comforted her. I told her that it would NEVER happen again, and she would be safe from then on.

Then I went downstairs and confronted him. He fell to his knees and begged me not to tell anyone. I said I had to protect our daughter, so I called our associate pastor, whom I’ll call Pastor Bill.  As I told Pastor Bill what had happened, my husband ran out of the house and got in the car. I ran after him and told him not to leave and he said he didn’t have any choice because now he was going to jail and he just couldn’t face it and indicated he would rather die than go to jail, then drove off.

We spent three days in agony not knowing where he was or if he was still alive. He turned off his cell phone. Pastor Bill came over to our house and talked with my daughter and made her tell him everything that my husband had done to her and for how long. After the first 24 hours, Pastor Bill gave the situation over to another pastor, “Pastor Fred,” to handle.

I was praised up and down for not calling the police but for contacting them first, for being a “Godly example” of a Christian wife, etc. When we went to church the first Sunday after the crisis, I was with two of my close woman friends, and they asked me what was going on, and I told them what had happened, feeling the need for support and help.

When I told Pastor Fred I had told them, he was quite upset with me for telling anyone, and reprimanded me for gossiping, and then had to meet with them and our care group to do damage control, to make sure no one would know what was really happening or had happened.

Finally my husband answered his phone on the fourth day, and the pastors convinced him to come back. But not to our house. They sent us to stay with my husband’s relatives (another family from our SG church) for several days and let my husband come get his things and move in with his mother.

We were all brought in for counseling with the pastors, first me and my daughter separately, where she had to again tell what had happened, and where she was told she needed to forgive her father, that she was a sinner too, and didn’t she feel that she had sinned by not telling me sooner, and we were made to feel that she had somehow sinned by allowing it to continue, even insinuating that maybe she had even wanted that attention a bit. She was TEN YEARS OLD.

I should also add that I was told by Pastor Fred that I should not get outside counseling for my daughter at all. He said it would expose her to ungodly counsel and do more harm than good, that God was the only healing she needed. So we never got any outside professional help, but my husband got counseling for about 4 months from the pastors. It is the “trickle down” theory of taking care of the “head” and it will trickle down to the wife and kids.

During this time that they were separately meeting with my husband, they counseled him and they met with his boss (another church member) to inform him of what had happened and why he was absent from work. It turned out that all of his late night work at the office had really been opportunities for viewing porn, including child porn, on the office computers, and he was fired from his job.

The pastors knew that so many people knew about what had happened that they were required by law to report it, so they told my husband that he needed to turn himself in instead of their doing it. That was how they got out of their legal responsibility to report it. My husband’s relative who is a lawyer told him not to do it himself, but to use a certain lawyer he knew. The lawyer he had suggested met with my husband and I together, and he said that no, my husband shouldn’t turn himself in because if he did then he would go to jail and we would be without any income, instead since he was now obligated by law to report the crime, he would talk to the state’s attorney and let us know what to do. We didn’t hear anything from him for weeks and weeks, and were left to constantly wonder why.

After about two months of this kind of counseling by the pastors, I was told that in order to truly be a Godly wife, I had to forgive my husband because my sins as a less than Godly wife had also contributed to my daughter’s abuse. I was told that had I better met my husband’s needs physically, he wouldn’t have been tempted elsewhere. A meeting was held at Pastor Fred’s house, where my husband could apologize to my daughter for hurting her and ask her to forgive him. Again she was reminded by Pastor Fred that she was a sinner too, and that Jesus had forgiven her, so she must forgive her father to be a good Christian.

So I was told to allow him to move back home, and to make sure I had physical relations with him regularly, and books were offered telling me how to have a Godly sexual relationship with him, like Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage, and The Five Love Languages.

I was told to put a lock on my daughter’s door, on the inside, and every night after I had kissed her goodnight, she had to lock her door to keep her father out.

And he moved back into our house on Christmas Eve that year. We resumed looking like a “normal” SGM family, my husband was greatly praised for repenting and we were praised for reconciling, and every time we had sex I got sick to my stomach afterwards. Every time he moved or got up in the night, I sat bolt upright in bed. If he went out of our room, I lay there listening to make sure he didn’t go near any of the children’s bedrooms.

The only “counseling” I myself received during this time was when Pastor Fred would ask me to join him and my husband in their sessions, and he would ask how it was going, having sex with my husband, and would want specifics, and right in front of him so I couldn’t really be honest but would just say it was ok.

(As an aside, it seems to me personally that the pastors at SGM have a weird and unhealthy fascination with details of sexual encounters. I know a teen girl who was having relations with her boyfriend, and when she was caught and brought in for counselling, the SGM pastor made her “confess” each and every detail of every sexual encounter the two of them had had, before he could say that she was repentant. I just find it sick. They made my daughter do the same thing, giving every detail of her father’s molestations, but not so they could report it.)

I kept calling the lawyer asking if he had heard anything, and he kept saying no, not yet. Then in February I finally got some specific answers from him. No, he hadn’t actually turned in a deposition. He had simply written a hypothetical report up and put it on the attorney’s desk. Unless I wanted to go in and file charges against my husband, nothing would happen. I called the pastors and told them all of this, and they said that it was obviously a gift of grace from God, and that as a Christian I was not to bring civil authorities into it, and that I was to let it drop and not press charges because my husband was repentant and had agreed to their counseling, and they felt like everything had been discharged properly and what wonderful examples of God’s grace and mercy we were.

A little over a year later, there was a new church plant, and we were told to be a part of that. How convenient for them…

We were part of it, but soon after the church plant happened, I caught my husband looking in the bathroom window from outside when my daughter went in there to use the toilet. I told her to get out of the bathroom quickly, that he was out there looking in at her and not to use that bathroom any more.

I called “Pastor Kevin,” the pastor of the newly planted SGM church, and told him what had happened. He said that sin was insidious and that I should expect my husband to have moments of weakness, and that I was wrong to warn my daughter because I was further damaging her relationship with her father and preventing it from being reconciled. And that was the end of it.

At that moment I knew that not only was I and my children without protection from the church, but that I was truly alone and would just have to make the best of it. I could not rely on any more help from the pastors and it was up to me to protect my children as best I could.

For five years I struggled to be that protection for them. My daughter continued to lock her bedroom door every night. I continued to not sleep deeply and to always be alert to his prowling at night, and we maintained our facade as a healed and reconciled family. I forced myself to allow him to have sex with me, even though it made me physically ill. The toll on my self-esteem, my self-respect, and my family was huge. My marriage relationship was dead, but I was trapped inside it trying to be that “Godly Wife”.

However, we were kept at arm’s length from the rest of the church. Other parents did not include my daughter in birthday parties or other activities because they were afraid she might tell their children what had happened. She was damaged in their eyes. Other parents pulled away from me as well, except for one friend.

Finally, I just burned out. I just couldn’t do it any longer. I couldn’t pretend to love a man who had sexually assaulted my child every day for months. But I didn’t know how to get out. So I started sleeping in my son’s room on a cot, pretending that I had just accidently fallen asleep while putting him to bed. Not coming out unless my husband actually came to get me.

It was only with the strength and support of my one remaining friend that I was able to finally get the courage to divorce him and leave the church, when my daughter was 16. It was a long two-year process, in which I was shunned and ostracized by the church body under instructions by the pastors for “abandoning my family” and breaking my marriage vows. I was told I couldn’t leave the church because as long as my husband was a member, I was a member also. But I finally got my divorce and broke free, and maintained custody of my children.

My ex-husband still attends that same SGM church, even though several of the founding families and the pastors all know that he is a child molester. I would venture to say that none of the rest of the church has any idea, though. He is remarried, and when he has visitation with our younger children, he still takes them to church events.

My older children are now grown and don’t have much to do with my ex-husband at all.  They are also very bitter towards SGM and want nothing to do with them. Their relationship with God has been destroyed, and it will take the work of the Holy Spirit alone to restore it, in His time. But otherwise, they are happy and doing well.

I have found a wonderful church that has helped me realize that the world, and God, are so much bigger than SGM ever taught. I have learned that there is room in God’s house for all different types of people, and theologies and doctrines. And although it took several years, I have begun to trust God again, and read his word with new eyes. God IS good, and even SGM can’t destroy that.

274 comments

  1. Kris says:

    I’d like to be the first to commend Taylor for her bravery in speaking out and sharing her story. From our conversations, I know that Taylor’s desire is to first of all give courage to other people who have endured similar trials, so that they can know that they were not alone. Secondly, she wants those who are interested in SGM’s present approach to questions and problems to understand that contrary to what Dave Harvey may say in his videos, there were likely NOT just a “very few situations” where situations of child abuse were grossly mishandled.

    It’s my view that because of SGM’s twisted theology about sin and forgiveness, this sort of response from pastors was standard operating procedure for a long time. I could be wrong, but it seems to me the ONLY reason things have changed was because victims began to speak out publicly.

  2. Whirlwind says:

    Has any SGM pastor ever commented on where they learned this approach to sexual abuse? Certainly, they didn’t come up with a common approach independently. It seems like an appropriate response from Dave Harvey would be an acknowledgment that SGM has taught its pastors grievous error in regard to handling abuse cases within their churches, confessing what those errors were, and outlining how they now advocate handling such situations.

    If this is from yet another set of pastors and churches beyond FCC and CLC, ah, my heart breaks even more than it has already. This is so, so sad – this daughter being treated as though her dad had merely spoken harshly to her or something.

  3. Ummm says:

    I am physically ill. I wish I had those pastors’ names. This is beyond outrageous.

    Taylor, I’m so sorry.

  4. Whirlwind says:

    I’ll also mention – I’ll be making a point to ask my pastor very directly how he would respond in a situation like this and whether he thinks it appropriate to contact the police about child molestation.

    Why wouldn’t a pastor quite plainly tell this man that he can expect his wife will not have any interest in further sexual relations, his wife would be justified in pursuing divorce on grounds of adultery, he should have no expectation of remarriage, he will likely not have any meaningful relationship with any of his children in the future, and they will need to inform the congregation of the molestation including any members who join the church in the future – AND IT’S ALL HIS OWN FAULT AND NO ONE ELSE’S!!

  5. Cimino says:

    First off, such a sad story. Taylor, you had every biblical right for divorce. You should have never been told to stay in this situation. This is so sad…

    2. I would be very curios to know if this took place in one of the churches where the other abuse took place, or if this is a brand new church on the list? I understand if this can’t be divulged.

    3. I wonder if someone with pastor college experience would be brave enough to state whether or not protocol for handling these events was taught to them. It is too much to believe that all these situations were basically handled in the same way without there being some kind of guidelines already in place. I’m convinced now that there are some. If so, would someone be brave enough to post them? In order to maybe bring some minute amount of justice to these kids (and wives!) that have been damaged all these years with no recourse?

  6. Ummm says:

    How are these pastors any different from Warren Jeffs in protecting the sexual abuse of children??????

  7. Joe 3 says:

    Long-time reader, first-time commenter.

    I know that a lot of folks here aren’t exactly Peacemaker fans because of the ham-handed and unwise ways the material has been used in SGM at times (“get the log out of your own eye” when dealing with abusive people, just like the approach here with this 10-year-old girl! “You’re a sinner, too.” Barf.). But interestingly enough, I was at SG Gilbert (AZ) when Ken Sande from Peacemakers spoke many years back (I’m not an SGM member, but went to learn about the Peacemakers material). Ken related the story of a guy in their church who was a convicted child molester. They somehow managed to restore the guy into the church, but all the deacons had a key to the guy’s apartment, there were some very strict rules about his movements in the church building, and the whole church was notified about his crime/sin.

    I don’t know all the details, but from Sande’s telling, it was a true story of redemption with some serious tough love and accountability. It seemed like a model story of how abuse could be confronted and redeemed instead of either swept under the rug or having the guy absolutely shunned.

    I really don’t understand how all these church leaders who don’t report are considering themselves to be living under Romans 13. It’s not optional. It’s mandatory. When the civil law requires it and it doesn’t violate God’s law, God requires it, too.

  8. Michelle says:

    Once I had lunch with 2 friends. One was a young, 30-something teacher. The other was an ex-nun who taught for many years in a catholic school. The 30-something teacher commented that someone got fired at her school because a student “joked” to a teacher about abuse and the teacher didn’t report it. The ex-nun said that ALWAYS had to report when abuse was suspected…even when she started teaching in the 70s. It seems like if these perps were anywhere else. They would have reported to the police.

    Taylor, I am so sorry this happened to you. I wish you nothing but happiness in the future.

  9. exCLCer says:

    Taylor, Im so so sorry for you and your children and what you went through. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. You’ll find several people here who can relate to you and will support you.

    Im afraid there may be many, many more. I know of more stories that have not come out yet, and they all have the same awful unimaginable details of how their abusers and family were “handled”. This is NOT a “few instances” of “insensitivity” …….this is systemically problematic and unacceptable.

  10. ExClcer'sMom says:

    Taylor, thank you so much for your bravery in telling your story! I cried, as I read the horrible, destructive things they said to your daughter! I know that “feelings of guilt” carry with an abuse victim for most of their life, especially without counseling-and that is with nothing being said! Those pastors that said those horrible things to her should at least never be allowed to pastor or counsel again, if not go to jail themselves! I pray that God reveals Himself to your children, just as I pray He does to mine.
    Gary Ricucci once challenged me on “my grounds for divorce”, saying, “What would you do if your were in the Old Testament, where women were not allowed to divorce at all?” I told him that in the Old testament, it instructs the Church to take such a man outside the city gates and stone him to death-there would be no need for divorce! It is only the Grace of God in the New Testament that even allows for such a disgusting piece of filth to continue to walk the earth! (Although, Jesus did say it would be better to tie a rock around one’s own neck and throw oneself into the river before one should hurt a child..hmmm)
    I am so glad you have found a church to be part of that is helping you heal! :THANK-YOU:

  11. dj pomegranate says:

    “I was told that in order to truly be a Godly wife, I had to forgive my husband because my sins as a less than Godly wife had also contributed to my daughter’s abuse. I was told that had I better met my husband’s needs physically, he wouldn’t have been tempted elsewhere.”

    I keep reading things like this in various survivor stories, patriarchal and patriarch-lite sermons, and the like, and it makes me furious. Anyone who thinks that things like abuse, molestation, and rape are a natural consequence of simply not having enough marital sex is dangerously, dangerously misinformed and/or intentionally deluded. This leads directly, do not pass go, do not collect $200, to rape culture. How dare they put the blame for a husband’s lack of self-control (fruits of the Spirit, anyone?) on his wife.

    Taylor, your story is heartbreaking and I am so, so sorry for you and your children.

  12. Long-time commenter, new name says:

    Taylor, thank you for sharing your story and thank you for your courage to protect your children. I hope they have been able since to find help and healing, and you as well… -hugs-

    My greatest fear is that we will never know the extent of abuse in SGM. As others have pointed out, only (an estimated) one in ten abuse cases are ever reported to authorities… And how many more are never reported at all, to anyone?

    I grew up in SGM and don’t feel comfortable sharing too much about myself because my abuse has never been shared except to my spouse, a therapist, and a couple of extremely close friends. Also, my abuser and/or family may be reading on here and they don’t know and I don’t feel comfortable telling them. I don’t want to go into lots of sordid details about what I experienced. I will simply say: it was long endured, familial, and continues to cause me extensive suffering. It especially affects my marriage.

    I’ve wanted to speak up the last few weeks but the time has never felt “right”. Growing up in SGM is the REASON I never reported what I went through to anyone except a whispered, tearful conversation with my best friend when I was a kid. I was taught that it was shameful and awful sin to have sex outside marriage. The fact that I was a child and it was non-consensual, in other words a victim, was not explained. All I “knew” was sex outside of marriage was horrific, I was having it, therefore I was horrific.

    The reason I shared about my conversation with my friend? When I told her, she told me she had experienced similar, also at the hands of family. AND her sister had, as well. I’ve since found out about three other all-in-the-family cases that, as far as I know, were never reported to anyone. Our perpetrators have never been confronted. Many of them are still in the church, some have grandkids now.

    My main point is this: SGM has for years done a really great job of teaching its parishioners to be ashamed of their sin, and an even better job of teaching people that in every sin situation every person involved shares guilt. Unless this system is changed, we will never know how many little children are suffering.

  13. EMSoliDeoGloria says:

    How absolutely sickening. That such lies were foisted on you, Taylor, under the guise of the gospel of grace is abhorrent.

    While this outworking of it is not part of my experience, what you describe as “the “trickle down” theory of taking care of the “head” and it will trickle down to the wife and kids” plagued the early years of my SGM church too and hurt many women and families. It doesn’t work that way in real life. Women are people too. People who have hearts and souls and need care whether their husbands are receiving it or not or in a position to give it or not.

    I’m glad you put limits on his ability to harm your children. Your pastors should have been there to support you in bringing further limits and consequences into the situation, namely, the civil authorities, who are ordained by God to be a terror to evildoers. That was your ex-husbands’ first reaction: terror at the thought of receiving the consequences of his sin against his daughter. They should have been there to care for you spiritually and emotionally and should have ensured that your daughter received appropriate care (including that a traumatized victim of sexual abuse should have never been asked to disclose the details of her father’s crime against her to a male pastor without you or a trusted female counselor present).

    Away from such poor care and teaching, I’m sure you now know that his attraction to your daughter or his addiction to pornography is not a product of how often or in what ways you had sexual intercourse with him. Period. It makes me angry that such a thing would be implied to you. I am personally aware that this isn’t the way all SGM pastors counsel on this issue but it is unconscionable that any would.

    As you probably also know by now, in most states, your daughter has a period of time after her 18th birthday (usually 3 or 7 years, depending on the details of the offense and depending on the state) to press charges herself.

    SGM leaders: repentance starts here. Not to doubt Taylor, but if even the most basic facts she outlines are true, you must repent, specifically and personally (not in vague generalities), for not having protected the children and the vulnerable ones in your churches.

    Kris, without naming the church and pastors involved, can you say whether this was one of the churches already named in the child abuse stories? Was it CLC or FCC or another SGM church? Also when did it take place (year or five year time frame)?

  14. MikePhila says:

    These pastors should be fired immediately! What a bunch of clowns!

  15. pseudonym for a reason says:

    that’s it. i want my life back. i lost the first 30 years or so of my life to this environment. i defended sgm. devoted/lost my teens and 20’s to it. and this… this is what i was devoting that chunk of my life to? forget the damage they caused me personally, but this is the stuff that was happening around me that i didnt know about? are you kidding me?

    taylor, whoever you are, your ex is/was a sick man in need of way more than what sgm could provide. but so much more than that, your daughter should have been the only priority that they should have devoted all of their efforts to in this situation. they should have made her recovery/healing, at whatever cost, the only priority. trickle down from the man? that gets a big WTF? who are these people and with what credentials do they claim the expertise to handle these kinds of situations? or any life situation for that matter? (a book on humility with something that looks a lot like blackmail in his closet? a dude that has never really dated writing a book on how to not date?) those involved should be ashamed of themselves. every ounce of man and father in me would want to defend your daughter and get so deep in your ex’s grill that turning himself in would be a respite. why would anyone want to follow men that don’t have that basic guttural response? something is terribly wrong with those men.

    we are all sinners, and capable of any sin if left to ourselves apart from grace, and therefore there are no victims… blah blah blah. if you still go to an sgm church, run.

  16. SGM Member... says:

    I am physically ill right now reading this story. I am so, so, so sorry. This is terrible and shameful. The SGM leaders need to seriously repent and be on their knees before God and these victims. The way SGM presented what had happened to victims of sexual abuse in the video is SHAMEFUL in light of the pain and agony and really unfixable damage done to victims. I don’t even have words. No words.

  17. ExClcer'sMom says:

    BTW, just in case someone reading this has the unfortunate situation of having to use the information I am about to share, but it was told to me by the police that if a child comes and shares information about child abuse to you, the BEST thing is to report it to the authorities immediately, and not to question them further. A trained professional knows how to “retrieve” information from a victim in a way that will not only help to prevent them further trauma, but also will better serve to keep the story “untainted”..sometimes, a defense attorney will try to say a child was “lead” into speaking certain things, etc, but the professionally trained counselors will guard against such defenses. How narcissistic of these pastors and perpetrators, to think that because “they feel better” everything is resolved, and everyone is healed! I HATE how they handled your family, Taylor! Thank you so much for being brave enough to share!

  18. DB says:

    If I was a single woman that had to give her child up for adoption, I would surely give my child to loving intelligent educated atheists than to a Christian family.

    Apologies to all of the good normal Christians, there is far too much hidden from observation and there is far far too much going on and even if you aren’t being molested by your father when you’re 10 or 11, the crap that these people openly advocate is too much.

    With this story, I have snapped.

    I believe SGM has shamed the Gospel to the degree that I am here stating that I am sorry my children wasted the years they did in that place.

    I am sorry that my craptastic choices has created a aversion to anything churchy.

    We have been to a few SGM weddings and they are as bad if not worse than me mocking and generally mumbling comments under their breath.

    My son in law even promised to, “Intoxicate” my daughter “with his love.” as a joke at their expense because the dewy eyed bride is supposed to mouth those words.

    The pastors that were responsible for prolonging the agony of this woman and her children are ostomy bags full of putrid vile waste and I hold nothing but contempt for a system that has too many of these stories in their collective closets.

    But when you have the headmaster of their so-called Christian school beating a little girl on her bare bottom should speak a warning to folks.

    But we had already had too much kool aid and were worthless to do what the heathens in the darkest jungle on earth does by instinct; protect our children with our lives if necessary.

    And I am not looking at anything but the mirror when I typed that last paragraph, I am not pointing my finger at any other parent here.

  19. sgmnot says:

    Taylor: Thank you for your courage in coming forward. My heart is breaking for what you and your daughter have endured. I am so glad that you were able to have the courage to divorce that “man”. I will keep you and your daughter in prayer.

    Your courage to come forward, will help others to do so as well. Thank you.

    I too want to know what year this was, if possible, or was it within the past few years, because already the claim has been made by SGM leaders that these cases were all long ago. Not that it completely matters, because he was still prowling around his daughter years later! And HE is still a SGM member, people!!! In a SGM church somewhere, going to church functions where children are!!

  20. Steve240 says:

    Taylor

    I would also like to say that I appreciate you sharing your story. Just when you thought the SGM stories couldn’t get any worse you post your story. The other child abuse/molesting stories are bad but this is even worse.

    I am glad you were able to finally leave your husband and protect your daughter.

  21. Pampy says:

    Taylor,

    I don’t know what is stronger—the anguish I felt as I read your story or the anger towards a twisted perverted system. I’m with Ummm….I feel physically ill now…there’s a knot in my stomach. Thank you for your courage in sharing. I know it isn’t easy reliving that. But I know that there will be many others who will now have the courage to step forward and share their stories. The way SGM handled your situation caused your precious children much mental and emotional anguish. They were so off base that I can’t even begin to address it without this turning into a book. Yes, some of the behaviors of the leaders who were handling your situation seem more than questionable…I’m mainly referring to the request for explicit details and the blatant disregard and disrespect they showed to you and your children. What a mess. This speaks to their own personal issues….and I believe there are many. For some reason, I’m reminded of the one pastor who shared explicit details with the congregation of his sexual relationship with his wife. This is just not right. There is a strong sexually twisted undercurrent in this “family of churches.”

    Your last paragraph sums it all up…yes, God is good. He is not the God that SGM has been portraying. A “good” Christian wife is not one who puts up with this abuse and further subjects her children to the possibility of continued abuse and humiliation, but who is brave and strong enough to get out and to refuse to tolerate abuse of any kind (I know full well of what I speak having been in this situation). I don’t feel comfortable sharing my personal story at this time because some people who know me are on here sometimes. Maybe one day I will share it….but it doesn’t really relate to experiences in SGM, so I’m not sure. I just thank God that I wasn’t in SGM when I went through my situation. I don’t know if I could’ve survived that. It was hard enough experiencing the judgement of other ignorant Christians for my decision to leave my marriage. It’s the sick, twisted ones who end up judging the abused and excusing the abuser. All I can say is that I am so happy now, and I’m stronger than I’ve ever been. Leaving my marriage was the equivalent for me of leaving Gathering of Believers. At first it was difficult, and I was cut off and judged by many. However, as I worked through everything, there was an exhilarating sense of freedom in both situations as personal healing occurred. It’s like breathing clean, fresh air and experiencing a life that you never knew existed. What a shame for those who promote anything but true freedom in Christ.

    The bottom line is that the Bible version of Jesus and the Christian life is totally different than what we experienced while in the SGM/CLC/PDI/GOB system. I am so glad that you’re now experiencing what God intended for you.

  22. Pampy says:

    DB in #18. I do understand how you feel….I really do. The reality is that we don’t have to go to such a polarized extent to protect our children. This is exactly what SGM promotes…as far as “their way” being the only true Christian way. And when we swallow that crock of poo, we forget that there are so many other “normal” loving Christians out there. And they’re hiding out in some churches that we may have been warned against attending. I am seeing that God’s family and God’s children are in many more places than I ever imagined while subjecting myself to the limited, prejudicial teachings of Gathering of Believers. (hmmm…what’s that verse about causing a little one to stumble?….what would it be better for them to experience?…..) We are to protect our children…period. I’ve learned to evaluate things much more differently now. I don’t want to hear someone spout off the “right verbage”. I want to see this: how do they treat women and how do they treat children….that tells me more about their relationship with God than any biblical dissertation.

  23. 5yearsin PDI says:

    “where she was told she needed to forgive her father, that she was a sinner too, and didn’t she feel that she had sinned by not telling me sooner, and we were made to feel that she had somehow sinned by allowing it to continue, even insinuating that maybe she had even wanted that attention a bit. She was TEN YEARS OLD.”

    SGM moral equivalency. All sin is equal and you are never a victim, only a sinner.

    I am so so so so sorry. I will pray for your children. Thank you for sharing here. This is sickening.

    This makes me want to go picket with Andy if I lived closer.

  24. Pampy says:

    @EmSoliDeoGloria in #13:

    ” Your pastors should have been there to support you in bringing further limits and consequences into the situation, namely, the civil authorities, who are ordained by God to be a terror to evildoers…”

    :word

  25. ExClcer'sMom says:

    Whirlwind, you said in post #4:
    Why wouldn’t a pastor quite plainly tell this man that he can expect his wife will not have any interest in further sexual relations, his wife would be justified in pursuing divorce on grounds of adultery, he should have no expectation of remarriage, he will likely not have any meaningful relationship with any of his children in the future, and they will need to inform the congregation of the molestation including any members who join the church in the future – AND IT’S ALL HIS OWN FAULT AND NO ONE ELSE’S!!

    That is so absolutely true! When I threw my ex out, he would go to friend’s houses and cry about how “he made some mistakes, and I wouldn’t forgive him”..Well, one of those friends had been a groomsman in our wedding, and he felt it necessary to call to encourage me how no sin is too great for God to help us forgive, et all..When I finally told him what was the case, he sat for a minute in stunned silence, and then responded, “Don’t ever let that man back into your house!” That night, when my ex arrived for dinner, my friend told him in no uncertain terms, that he should not even consider the possibility of recovering his family, and he should thank God if he even gets to keep his soul! Of course, my ex went to the pastors and complained I was “gossiping”, to which I told them when they called me out on it, to tell Mr. A that if he did not want people to know about it, then he needed to shut his own mouth, and quit trying to run around getting sympathy from me being silent! I said how I had enough stress dealing with all I was, and if anyone called me trying to talk me into reconciliation, I would tell them the truth of what was going on! That is most likely another reason the pastors did not want people to be so involved with helping our family..I refused to play by their rules!
    I am afraid we are only seeing the tip of the iceberg here..and there really is no solid indication that all of this horror is not just as rampant today as yesterday… :Tears:

  26. Defender says:

    Taylor, I’m so sorry you & your daughter had to go through this.
    It makes me sick!

    (Trying to hold my tongue here and not get me banned from Kris’ & Guy’s “living room”.)

    I’m speechless…..

    Call the Post, call the Times, call the Journal, call Fox News, see if we can get these stories the same kind of 24/7 coverage that hurricane Irene got.

    What SGM Pastors are doing needs to be SHOUTED FROM EVERY HOUSETOP!

    NUKE ‘EM! (Nuke the B*****ds!)

  27. Leo says:

    Taylor – thank you for posting your story. I know it was harder to write and recant your story than it is for the rest of it to read it. I stand with you and support you. What was done to you should never have happened!!!!!!!

    Thank you for putting the truth out!!!!!!!!!!!

  28. Leo says:

    Defender wrote: (Trying to hold my tongue here and not get me banned from Kris’ & Guy’s “living room”.)

    Me: I know exactly what you mean! I had to edit out a few f-bomb’s from my post after reading Taylor’s horrific story

    Defender wrote: I’m speechless…..
    Call the Post, call the Times, call the Journal, call Fox News, see if we can get these stories the same kind of 24/7 coverage that hurricane Irene got.
    What SGM Pastors are doing needs to be SHOUTED FROM EVERY HOUSETOP!
    NUKE ‘EM! (Nuke the B*****ds!

    Me: Agree!!!!!! No CHILD is safe in an sgm church and they only way to keep this from happening again is to get the stories out. Those children being damaged right now will only have a chance for true healing if the truth get out and people know how it is dealt with. The first response should be to call the police, never a sgm pastor. Asking an sgm pastor or cgr to help is like asking Michael Vick to dog sit!!!!!

    SGM is well beyond “fixing”. You can’t fix something that never worked when it was made!

  29. Claude says:

    I do not understand why you did not dial 911? If your house were on fire would’nt you dial 911? If someone’s stealing your car wouldn’t you dial 911? If you were assualted wouldn’t you dial 911? Crime is Crime.

  30. John King says:

    Proverbs 18:17

  31. happymom says:

    Taylor,
    I am so sickened by your story. I am enraged. I am so, so sorry for what you and your family endured. You are a brave soul to share your story. I hope that encourages the others to share their story, there are more.

    SGM CHURCH MEMBERS, HOW LONG WILL YOU STAND BY AND CHALK THIS UP TO BITTER AND UNFORGIVING VICTIMS? HOW LONG WILL YOU BURY YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND? Now go watch Harvey’s video again and listen to his dribble about handling sex abuse. Do you find that sufficient in light of this story????

  32. Remnant says:

    Dear Lord,

    Your daughters suffer at the hands of evil men calling themselves SGM pastors.
    These false pastors do not know righteousness or justice.
    They are perverted and have perverted Your sacrifice of love.
    They put burdens on your daughters that are horrendous and grotesque.
    They hide sins of evil men and yet they call innocence sin.
    They have no holy discernment or simple common sense.
    Their leaders post manipulative video tripe and speak with many words to thinking to exonerate themselves from responsibility and guilt.
    Lord, You who never slumbers nor sleeps, You are not fooled by these wicked men and their absurd stance.
    Lord, You will hold them accountable and while they expect crowns of glory, accolades of holy “well done”, the eternal appreciation around The Throne of Glory, You have the tears of these victims in Your bottle and will hold these anguished tears before these pseudo pastors as witness against them.

    Oh Lord, have mercy on abused daughters.
    Remnant

  33. Puck Lover says:

    Unfortunately your disclosed event is not unique and just makes me ill for both of you. I am a former detective of child abuse, specifically sexual, and although this may not be the route you would want to take at this point, most states do not have a statute of limitations when it comes to child abuse. Please understand that a criminal conviction will not heal your child but certainly can help the healing process. I am not a psychologist but firmly believe that the most important action that you can take is to get counseling for the both of you from a therapist with experience in this field. Most locations across the country have access to a child advocacy center which can help with all aspects of what you have experienced.

    I can not tell you how many times a church has attempted to place themselves above the law when it comes to investigations of this type. What they did was criminal, at least in Maryland and they should be ashamed of themselves. They will have to answer for this one day.

  34. Cimino says:

    Claude – chill out. It’s easy to look from the outside and say “why didn’t you just call 911?” It’s quite a different story to walk through something like this… most likely she was emotionally distraught, not in a normal frame of mind, trying her best to follow and please the Lord even in the midst of this, etc. It is her pastors that are to be blamed and asked questions. Why didn’t THEY call the police?

  35. Cimino says:

    Well, my bad… you may be referring to the pastors? not sure. But if its directed to Taylor, give her a break.

  36. ExClcer'sMom says:

    @ Remnant…Beautiful, meaningful, true.. :goodpost

    @ Happymom… :amen

  37. Claude says:

    I have a hard time believing Taylor’s story and yes I was a member of the SGM churches in the washington area for over 20 year in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s.

  38. Already Gone says:

    John King:
    It’s against the rules to do a drive-by scripture verse.
    Back that verse up. Say it. Say it to Taylor. I dare you.

  39. Already Gone says:

    And Claude:
    It’s against the rules to curse out another blogger…
    so, uh.. I have nothing for you.

  40. ExClcer'sMom says:

    Already Gone..I was thinking he meant it to the pastors and their wicked words to Taylor and her daughter..but, John, maybe you could share how you feel it is relevant? :scratch

  41. El Pastor says:

    This story is unbelievably painful to read. As a non-SGM pastor (and being an outsider I hesitate to post), I can’t imagine any biblically informed leader, or any godly man for that matter, counseling a woman this way. I can’t get my head around it. This situation is at the very least a heinous form of repeated adultery. It should have been made absolutely clear to any woman like Taylor that she has a right to divorce the perpetrator and protect her children. Divorce or reconciliation is entirely at her discretion, and she will be given all possible support from the church in whatever she decides.

    Kris, I think your recent posts on the “I’m the worst sinner in the world” paradigm for reconciliation must be a factor, along with some bizarre, extreme patriarchalism. I believe a man is to be the head of his home, but for his family’s good! If he can’t protect his own children from himself, isn’t he “worse than an unbeliever”? (1 Tim 5:8) Or does this apply only to food and a roof over the heads of the ones he oppresses and afflicts?

    I’ve tried to understand the SGM point of view in many of these stories. I just can’t. It’s not just poor training, or error, or hubris. It is cruelty. It is abusing the flock. it reminds me of Islam, where the men and Mullahs have all the power, and delight to lord it over the weak. That’s all I can see here. If these pastors acted this way, they should be out of the ministry. Period. Please, all you who were so abused, know that this is not Jesus Christ, but proud men taking his name to cover their own darkness.

  42. Already Gone says:

    That would be great. John, is that the case?

  43. ExClcer'sMom says:

    Claude, really? REALLY? I have been a member of whatever church was associated with Larry and CJ since 1976..Take And Give, Gathering of Believers Covenant Life, PDI, SGM..whatever the name.I totally believe her story! You do not even understand how difficult it is for a woman to speak up and say how she put her daughter in such a situation! If you don’t believe her story, why do you even read anything at all? You may as well go back in your SGM “hole”, and bury your head in the sand! But know this, God is bringing a truth out, and you can choose to find it out now, or just stand in shame later. :koolaid

  44. Claude says:

    El Pastor I agree 100%, as a former member for over 20 years, I find it hard to believe.

  45. Claude says:

    ExClcer’sMom, I do undertsand and I do believe what you went through was horrific. Yes, you and I use to be in the same homegroup at Gathering of Believers and Covenant Life.

  46. Fried Fish says:

    John King #30 –

    Are you offering to come forward and cross-examine? Are you familiar with the details of this case? Were you involved in some way? I would be very careful about throwing that verse around in criticism of those who are finally being emboldened to speak the truth about a system that has stifled and suppressed it for so long.

    Taylor, I’m very sorry for what you and your children have gone through, and that there are still idiots in SGM that want the abuse to continue.

    I have for a long time held out hope that there was something worth salvaging in SGM, and granted there are still many human souls at stake. But after this latest story I’m pretty close to believing that SGM may rightly fall under the curse in Galatians 1 – preaching “another gospel” and placing on the abused an unbearably heavy yoke of submission to evil men masquerading as servants of God. There is no way that the similarity with which these incidents were handled, is a coincidence.

  47. Defender says:

    It was referenced recently when C.J. said in his “Happiest Place On Earth” speech, that pastors will be standing before Jesus with their congregations gathered around them. The congregations thanking Jesus for their pastors.??

    I think C.J. got it partly correct.

    I think the congregations will be TESTIFYING against the pastors before the Great White Thrown of Judgement.

    SGM Pastors!

    REPENT!
    Your Judgement is coming.

    Do you remember what Jesus said? (SGM Pastors! I’m still talking to you.)
    He came to bring the TRUTH.
    Who did Jesus say was the father of lies?
    And who was it he said was children of the father of lies?
    The religious ruling class of that day. (You could call ‘em the “Pastors” of the Jewish congregation.)
    Do you (SGM Pastors) think that you will escape the judgement that is coming to you? (If you don’t repent?)

    Today is the Day of Salvation.

  48. El Pastor says:

    Claude,

    I use the word unbelievable in one of its accepted meanngs: “incredible or astonishing”

    Will you agree that if it is true, it is a great evil on the part of these pastors?

  49. Claude says:

    Why has this fathe if Taylor’s stiry is true not been charged with child abuse?

  50. justsayin says:

    Kris, re: 111 on dave harvey:

    as often happens here on this blog, you made stuff up about what I said. asking is better than jumping to conclusions.