From the Sovereign Grace Ministries website comes the following statement:
Updated Statement on Reported Lawsuit
Please be aware of the following press release.
October 26, 2012
Statement by Tommy Hill Sovereign Grace Ministries Director of Administration Re: A Civil Lawsuit Filed Against Sovereign Grace Ministries Oct. 17 in Maryland’s Montgomery County Circuit Court
Though not yet served, Sovereign Grace Ministries (SGM) leadership has obtained a copy of the civil lawsuit filed last week against SGM and several pastors of its associational churches. This recent complaint makes broad allegations that SGM pastors were negligent in providing spiritual counsel and pastoral care in situations involving persons who had previously suffered child sexual abuse. It is important to note that it does not allege any act of child abuse by a pastor or staff member of SGM or of an associated church. SGM is not in a position to comment on the specific allegations at this time, but we are beginning a careful legal review of each allegation. Upon initial review it appears the complaint contains a number of untrue or misleading allegations, as well as considerable mischaracterizations of intent.
Child sexual abuse is reprehensible in any circumstance, and a violation of fundamental human dignity. We grieve deeply for any child who has been a victim of abuse. We want to minister the love, grace and healing of God to any who have suffered this horrific act.
SGM is committed to integrity and faithfulness in pastoral care, as are the pastors of local congregations. We take seriously the biblical commands to pursue the protection and well-being of all people – especially children, who are precious gifts given by the Lord and the most vulnerable among us. These biblical commands include fully respecting civil authority to help restrain evil and promote righteousness as Romans 13 instructs us. SGM also encourages the establishment of robust child protection policies and procedures based on best practices.
SGM churches are separately organized and constituted in their respective communities. They voluntarily partner together for certain aspects of their broader common mission: to plant churches, develop resources, train pastors and serve international ministries in order to proclaim the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We ask that you please join us in praying that God guides and leads all of us in these challenging circumstances, ministering His grace, comfort and peace to all who are affected by this situation, and that His truth would prevail.
November 13th, 2012 at 11:13 am
Bridget in #677 hits the nail on the head!
They picked up this “new way” of raising children and dealing with families. Then they proceeded to drum out any of the leaders who didnt “manage their family well”.
To compound things, when CJ and Bob and all the SGM leaders had kids who messed up, they did NOT have to step down. Not only did the rules not apply to them, they didnt moderate the rules for others. So the whole thing smacked of Soviet Politburo and their double standards.
Why people with children would allow people w/out children tell them how to raise those children will always remain a mystery.
CJ and SGM also tried to lead the churches in a relational style, which worked acceptably when the churches were all in driving distance from one another, and got together in frequent regional assemblies, both family style and men’s meeting. But when the “family” moved across the country and the leadership stopped communicating, the wheels fell off.
Too embarrassed about the development failures, CJ made changes without telling anyone. Then, in an Orwellian 1984 style, told people that was always the way things were.
So is it any wonder Kauflin is still out there readjusting the SGM history timeline?
November 13th, 2012 at 11:28 am
Yes, Diane! So simple, so effective.
SGM parents spend so much time and effort “parenting” in hopes of raising wonderful children, and so often it has the exact opposite effect.
I have 3 cousins who are good, decent people-wonderful men and fathers. Their parents never gave much thought to how to parent, never went to seminars or heard “teachings”. They went to the public school and went to mass each week. They never had periods of rebellion or abused sex, alcohol or drugs.
I contrast this with many SGM teens who were diligently parented, micromanaged, and made a focus of their parent’s lives, and how many of them are “messed up” young adults who need to be detoxed from all the dysfunction they grew up with.
I asked my aunt a few years ago how she did it. She said, “I don’t know. I just really loved them.”
I also think that SGM being such a “young” and prideful movement has really lost out by separating from the mainstream Christians who are older and have successfully raised children to be decent adults. I mean, we rarely had people older than 40′s/50′s in the SGM churches we attended unless they were part of family groups, and then they had no time to really get to know the rest of us. We couldn’t glean from those experienced and full of wisdom because they weren’t a part of the “movement”.
November 13th, 2012 at 11:40 am
Marty became a parenting expert by doing things like the following….he and his little wife had a set of twins and they put their twins on a blanket on my friend’s living room floor and closed the door so the babies learned that theirs was a parent-centered home and they (the babies) were way low on the priority list. In other words, they were to cry without response.
So the crying went on and on and on and on ad tedium and someone finally went in to discover that one of the babies had been teething upon the other’s leg to the point where the teether drew blood. So what were his noble qualities? Tenacity? Dumbasshattary? Who knows but it gets funnier because Marty is their……………………..wait for it……………………………………………………………………………………..Lactation queen! I kid you not. Marty M. penned a how to booklet on how to nurse your baby according to the SGM way. What qualifies him? Perhaps he’s one of George Castanza’s dad’s best man bra customers, does he have man boobs?
Couvet syndrome? Perhaps psychosexual issues? An inner need to micromanage everything even something he doesn’t even begin to understand like the finely tuned glands that provide baby mammals with perfect food in perfect quantities at the perfect temperature.
Heady stuff but what does their lacto queen do? Yup, lets his kids cry unattended with hungry bellies so one starts to chew on the twin’s limb until blood is drawn. Class act and an example for us to follow.
November 13th, 2012 at 11:46 am
It was also baffling that people listened to and followed Bill Gothard’s advice when he had never married nor had any children.
Perhaps Gothard set the precadent where inexperienced people either due to age or just not having children could “teach” others the “proper” way to raise children?
November 13th, 2012 at 11:52 am
Part of the discussion of how SGM plants churches…
This from a blurb about a book on demographics:
The generation of ministers who built sprawling mega-churches in the new suburbs learned to attract their stadium-sized congregations through the “homogenous unit principle.” The new churches were designed for cookie-cutter parishioners, what one church-growth proponent described as “people like us.”
Looks alot like CJ, eh?
November 13th, 2012 at 3:59 pm
Steve240,
The Gothard stuff is indeed baffling…what a fruitcake.
My generation bought into his crap because they were scared their kids would do the things they did (remember, this was the hippy generation). They were looking for ANYTHING to use to deter their kids from making the same mistakes.
Somehow folks lost the ability to trust God to help them raise their kids and that God uses our mistakes and the consequences of our sins to teach us.
November 13th, 2012 at 4:14 pm
We know when the CLC pastors invited the congregation to affirm or reject their decision. But, I wonder when the CLC pastors made their final decision to leave sovgracemin? They probably took a lot of time to consider the implications of the divorce and take an internal tally among themselves.
But, to me it seems likely to me that they decided to leave sovgracemin right before Josh and some of the pastors lined-up at a family meeting and symbolically asked forgiveness for various categories of communal sins they committed against the congregation. That seems like the day they effectively turned away from sovgracemin.
If that is so, it would make all the conciliatory language toward sovgracemin since then, a false front. Not sure why they were interested in buying more time before they presented their conclusions to the congregation. Perhaps they weren’t far enough along with their constitution or maybe the timing hinged on the readiness of the Fairfax church?
But, one thing I am quite sure is that they didn’t make a quick decision to say good-bye to SGM over their brief retreat, prior to the Pastor’s Conference.
Per usual, it is only when looking back over time that you have any hope of understanding what the pastors are doing and why. As soon as they alter their covert practices of ruling the church, I will trust that they have truly reformed their ways.
Somehow they never seem to understand that we not only have problems with WHAT they do but, HOW they do it.
November 13th, 2012 at 5:28 pm
glad I am out #694:
QUOTE: “Like when Prater taught that “the one who fulfills righteousness for us demands uncompromising righteousness from us (i heard it myself, but i forget his exact quote as it was a while back)”
Well, I certainly am unfamiliar with Prater preaching something like this. I wasn’t there, but I do know that it is a good thing that Jesus is my righteousness since that’s what He demands from me anywyay. (wink, wink)
As far as the child-rearing thing goes…WOW. I am single and without children, and I am beginning ot think that I have been on the outskirts of knowing anything about these teachings…Ezzo and Machowski, and the like. While I believe in using spanking from time to time, I can’t imagine a child getting spanked under these described circumstances. I can’t imagine a child getting spanked numerous times a day.
I was spanked as a child in my “Catholic” upbringing. My mother even used a leather strap. But, I tell you…I was only spanked maybe 4 or 5 times in my whole life. In those situations I was in utter defiance in my attitude and behavior, and so I was spanked. I probably could have been spanked for some other things too, but wasn’t. I can’t imagine spanking a child over and over again throughout the day.
November 13th, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Square Peg,
While in SGM i personally experienced more than once where parents would ask me or my spouse to wait while they went into a closet or bathroom to discipline their small child for not looking us in the eye or saying hello. They would ask us to wait so their child could get it right the second time. It was very uncomfortable, and obviously for the child who was just…. acting like a normal child. Weird!
November 13th, 2012 at 6:57 pm
Glad I am out-
That is so horrible. It must have been very uncomfortable. Did they get that from a certain book--that little children have to greet and look at adults in the eyes? I know that Voddie Baucham teaches that…curious where it comes from?
When did they stop teaching parents to do that? Or did they? If they did, did they give a reason? I mean, don’t the pastors claim to be led my the Holy Spirit in their almost infallible (meaning everyone really should obey them) teachings? So-they expected people to do this and they did. Why is it wrong now, if indeed they have stopped teaching parents to do this to their children? Did the Holy Spirit change His mind? Why should anyone believe them now when they teach their parenting classes?
November 13th, 2012 at 7:19 pm
Glad I am Out -- I experienced the same thing. I stopped greeting the shy kids. At the time, I honestly thought the parents were doing the right thing.
November 13th, 2012 at 7:27 pm
Diane -- this is a very good question -- did they change their parenting teaching, and if so, when? So far, they have gone with a gradual, subtle approach for their teaching changes -- no formal announcement from the pulpit about things like “We were charismatic, now we are not.” Wondering what they will do next with their parenting teachings. Really hoping as many SGM parents as possible are reading these blogs, and reconsidering the whole “spank for every cause” strategy…
November 13th, 2012 at 7:49 pm
I remember dreading greeting children at CLC, and probably avoiding it because of the way their parents disciplined them. The worst thing I heard at CLC was a parent who brought her young child in the bathroom, and when he said he didn’t like that bathroom, she asked if he wanted the floor to swallow him up! Talk about taking scripture out of context!
November 13th, 2012 at 8:02 pm
I do remember having parents ask their children to greet me, etc. But, to my knowledge, none of them were ever “spanked” for not greeting me properly. But, that is to my knowledge. Who really knows. That is kind of scary. I can understand wanting to train your child to practice good manners, and I can even understand verbally correcting a child when he/she isn’t doing it. But, it should not be harsh. And, it certainly isn’t worth a spanking.
November 13th, 2012 at 8:31 pm
Bill #663 --
If I could go back to the demographic analysis for a second. You mentioned —
I have to ask. Seriously, was this *all* that went into demographic work? I’ll certainly accept a “yes” answer, but I’m hoping there’s more.
November 13th, 2012 at 8:42 pm
QE2 #683 I assume you were at FFX in the 80′s/90′s? I was at FFX from 86 until 96. I came to FFX from CLC.
November 13th, 2012 at 8:48 pm
All I can tell you about demographics…without knowing anything about demographics…and without knowing anything about what SGM does about demographics…is this…
…that one of the reasons I left my SGC was because of how “same” everybody was. That there was no room for diversity. And, I am not even talking about racial or ethnic diversity necessarily, although that could certainly be part of it too.
It just wasn’t an eclectic mix of people. If you were different, you weren’t going to feel very welcome. Oh sure. People would be nice to you and treat you well. But, you’d take one long hard look around and notice how different you were…and you’d be uncomfortable after awhile. Of course, it would be YOUR fault that you are uncomfortable.
Because that is “SIN”…you are focusing on yourself, and making too much of your own feelings and perceptions. (blah, blah, blah)
November 13th, 2012 at 8:53 pm
Not trying to hijack the thread, but in light of the Petraeus affair, one commentator made the following statement that’s pertinent to SGM/SovGraceMin.org’s ongoing problems:
November 13th, 2012 at 9:15 pm
I’m pretty sure the spanking kids for not looking people in the eye came from Raising Kids Who Hunger for God.
November 13th, 2012 at 9:27 pm
Heard on the radio today, during a discussion by the host (no clue who) and his guest (still no clue who) while they were discussing churches planted in suburbs verses inner cities (it mirrored the discussion here brilliantly): suburban churches seek to make nice people nicer while ignoring the call to make dead people alive.
On another note: if a preacher gives a message which the whole congregation interprets to mean they ought to practice a thing a certain way, and this preacher has been preaching his message for years while the congregation keeps practicing the thing as they interpret the preacher’s words, and later the preacher blames the congregation for getting it all wrong, I would wonder two things.
1. Why is the preacher preaching if he is such a poor communicator that his carefully studied and chosen words could be so misinterpreted by not one or two people but by a whole church full of people?
2. Why did the preacher not KNOW his whole congregation was going astray from his intended message? If he had been paying even a wee bit of attention to the people who pay his salary, he would have seen they were misinterpreting his intentions and intervened to correct their path.
Since neither of these things were evident on the part of the pastor, it remains clear to me that the preacher did indeed mean to advance that which the congregation was practicing and that the preacher either didn’t rub elbows with the peon pew sitters or he was in agreement with what they were practicing.
They may think they can fool the people in the pews with this “we never intended for you to practice these things,” they may think they have justified their horrid belief systems by saying they never meant what the people heard, they may be spin their history and theology all they want in order to excuse themselves from accountability, they may seek to confuse the issues, but they forget about something really important: God is omniscient.
November 13th, 2012 at 10:05 pm
Add me to the list of people who had to wait while a kid was spanked for not greeting me… there were times when it went on more than once or twice or three times. One time at church I was about 11 and ended up telling the mum “Please, I am running late. Can he just say hi to me another time?” She probably took him to the bathroom at least 3 times while I stood there… about 15 minutes later she hunted me down and her kid looked at me with big red rimmed eyes “H-h-h-i”. I wanted to die. It made me not want to say hello to a little one again I felt so guilty.
Thankfully no one I knew does this anymore.
November 13th, 2012 at 10:13 pm
Remnant Post 720
Good points.
With regard to SGM not planting and maintaining churches in poorer areas if it was due to money I really find it sad. SGM shouldn’t be running a franchise system to bring in money from the wealthier areas but sadly sometimes that is what it appears. With all the money SGM has and donations that it gets (or use to get) from the tithe/franchise fee it demands of member churches why they couldn’t afford to support churches that needed money in lower income areas is just baffling.
I am sure they would have even been able to find people in SGM that would commit to pledging a certain amount a year to help a church in a low income area. Wouldn’t even that be a way of having “missions” vs. what uses SGM has called “mission” spending?
Good itemized points about how a pastor should be observing what people do with the pastor’s teaching. One illustration I like is that if a business has a machine and multiple employees keep getting their hands cut on the machine then you you can’t blame the employees for misunderstanding etc. The machine must be unsafe. If most church members follow a practice due to the pastor’s teaching then that is how it came accross and if it wasn’t desired the pastor should change his teaching and correct the misapplication.
As an example, Josh Harris has used the excuse of not being his “intent” to excuse extremes and improper application of his book on “kissing dating goodbye” though has done little to correct the misundestandings. Mulitple people misapplied what he taught and thus the directions must not have been clear enough etc.
November 13th, 2012 at 10:30 pm
Steve240 #722, Re the book kissing dating adios… If Josh did not intend for people to actually kiss dating goodbye, what was the purpose of the book? If he had not had an unusual flair to present, if his book had been merely another dating book, what would have drawn people to purchase it? It would have been ordinary.
It is akin to the rabbi’s insisting that Isaiah 7:14 doesn’t mean a virgin would give birth. They insist that the Hebrew for “Almah” means young woman. But if a young woman were to give birth, how would that be a sign since many young women give birth? Young women giving birth are ordinary and not a sign.
14 Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.
There has to be a uniqueness to the young woman in order for there to be a sign. There has to be a uniqueness to the idea of dating/ courting to draw people to purchase the book. Perhaps a stretch, but I often think of the correlation.
November 13th, 2012 at 11:16 pm
#722 and #723 -- was very very sad to see the book title you refer to. Back in the late 80′s, early 90′s, I spent summers at FCC and the school year at a college in upper New York state, in a church that was pretty poor, relative to SGM standards. The preacher there advocated a courtship model. The church was very small. The singles jumped into it, but in a group dating kind of way, where no one was left out. We threw a surprise birthday party for a friend who had grown up not celebrating her birthday -- she had grown up Eastern Orthodox, and considered birthdays to be a form of idolatry. About 30 singles showed up. We had a blast, blessing her, and just hanging out. There were some disappointed young ladies when the surprise engagements were announced, but I felt quite safe. I was pretty career oriented then, and I always thought that the disappointed women were not in reality, and maybe a supplemental teaching was needed about keeping everything in balance and perspective.
I did not think I or any one person in the group could have dragged this story out into a book. Sorry I just think that this is an extremely personal decision. It worked for me for a season. Being in college and not worrying about the dating scene was perfect. I can look all of my male friends’ wives in the eye and not feel embarrassed, because I was never someone’s ex-girlfriend. I think for certain times in a person’s life, some kind of courtship model can work. But I do respect people who never went that route. It depends a lot on the community, on the head pastor, and many other factors. I am happily married now, and uh, we did not use a courtship model, I was much older by the time I got married. I know I am repeating myself but I cannot fathom how to write a book about this. If I did, I would be speaking out of every side of my mouth to cover all the possible cases….We can never know what is in someone else’s heart. I heard that saying a lot at that small church when I was in college.
November 13th, 2012 at 11:31 pm
PS Just realized I confused myself on the timing….It was the early 80′s that I was in college, with summers at FCC. In the late 80′s, I moved to the Philadelphia area, and at one point I met Bob and Julie Kauflin at a summertime picnic at FCC. They were pretty new to PDI/SGM then, and not high up in the food chain. They seemed like genuinely nice people. They gave me advice to stick it out in the dark times, because Philadelphia was extremely uncomfortable for me. Fast-forwarding to today, I wonder if both Josh and Bob would have had completely different ministries and books, if they were under someone else’s tutelage. I think the whole “control/I know more than you” mentality has had more of an influence on them than they could see for themselves……They might be realizing this, slowly, that they have been more controlling than necessary with the child rearing advice, and dating advice….Very sad. A book’s title of “I kissed dating goodbye” is very much in your face, like “SO THERE!! HA! I dare you to try it for yourself! If you can’t, then you are a wimp/sinner.” Probably hard for Josh to see the control back then, but maybe he can see it now…
November 14th, 2012 at 1:04 am
Marie
I have a blog that critiquest Harris’s book on “kissing dating goodbye”
http://www.ikdg.wordpress.com
One of my big points is that it was more designed for teenagers (such as was Harris when he wrote his book) vs. older singles as you seem to say. Maybe it didn’t happen where you were but typically in my experience it causes singles to almost be afraid of the opposite sex. Consequently singles learn to avoid the opposite sex vs. learn how to properly relate.
Harris also didn’t define what he was really “kissing goodbye.” Dating can have a lot of different meanings. In later statements he appears to have intended to be against permature committed relationships but that wasn’t clear in his book. Thus even singles thought it was wrong to do something with someone of the opposite sex as friends.
Remnant
You asked “what was the purpose of (Harris’s) book?” As I indicated in this comment Harris wasn’t really clear. Sadly a lot of singles thought almost any interaction between those of the opposite sex was wrong.
November 14th, 2012 at 1:08 am
Marie
I wonder how Bob Kauflin could really be that low on the food chain since he came to the group as a known musician with his group Glad. He might have been new to the group but even then his background one would think would give him prominence.
November 14th, 2012 at 1:40 am
Steve240 yes I was thinking I should have commented on your blog page about the dating thing. Just wanted to point out here that it’s consistent with the whole controlling leadership model.
Secondly, BK first started at FCC as a homegroup leader, and church worship leader, that is what I remember. He has a bio out there that lists him as a pastor in 1985. The picnic had to be summer of 1988. I had the impression then that he had a good reputation at FCC, and he was working his way up the food chain with PDI at the same time. Does anyone else remember BK’s start with PDI/SGM?
November 14th, 2012 at 7:28 am
Claude #716 Yes, I was at FCC then. I do think the Phillips began to see their teaching was unbalanced in the late 90′s and began to recommend Shepherding a Child’s Heart, which did not have spanking as the basis for child-rearing. But for all the parents who were steeped in their teaching for so many years, the damage was already done.
Once Mark Mullery arrived, teachings on parenting basically stopped and we were no longer known as “the parenting church”.
Steve 240, I really love your blog. It is a thoughtful analysis of the problems with I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I must say, though, that I do find the book’s premise to be perfect for high schoolers, imo. But applying it to single adults who were well past college age did result in much wierdness.