Awhile back, I wrote a post entitled Dear SGM Defender. In that post - which was a sort of generic response to the folks who write me to tell me that the SGM survivors who post here don’t know what they’re talking about - I offered up some thoughts as to why one individual might be having a great time in his Sovereign Grace Ministries church, while another individual may have had a terrible time. Today I have another such topic to address.
Dear SGM Defender,
In your email, you said that I should “stop being a coward” and contact C.J. Mahaney or any of a number of other SGM leaders, so that I could hear what they have to say about what people have shared here on this site. You seem fairly confident that if I go to your leaders, they will have answers for the trail of people that have been hurt by SGM because of the organization’s authoritarian ways. They will have explanations. They will convey to me a higher understanding of what so many former members have described, and if I just “go to them” and listen to their explanations, then somehow, everything will be different.
Of all the things that mystify me about Sovereign Grace Ministries, I’d say that the cluster of assumptions behind your suggestion is at the top of my “Most Mind-Boggling” list.
I couldn’t even count how many times I’ve been asked (told) to contact SGM pastors/leaders when I either express disagreement with their teachings or permit readers to share their experiences with these men’s bad behavior. And what strikes me is that such a suggestion (“Just ask my SGM pastors/leaders to explain everything!”) presupposes a couple of things. One, of course, is that the pastor/leader is truly open to hearing stuff that could easily be construed as “negative.” Another is that the pastor/leader will be completely above-board and without guile in whatever he says.
And lastly, entering into a dialog with a particular SGM pastor/leader presupposes that the pastor/leader has some sort of authority over the situation or teaching. (Otherwise, why would we care what he has to say about it?)
I get the feeling that some SGMers simply don’t comprehend that those of us on the outside of SGM don’t believe in or trust SGM pastors/leaders the way that they do. For one thing, I don’t believe that many of these men are truly open to dissent or disagreement. Sure, they may SAY they are, and they may have recently been told to put on a “new openness” and now work a little harder to appear as though they’re actually listening to complaints. But the proof is in the pudding, so to speak, and unless things change significantly to reflect that the area of concern has truly been addressed, then all that “new openness” is pretty meaningless.
Another thing: I don’t particularly believe that many SGM pastors/leaders will be completely open and without guile when dealing with their dissenters. For some of them, this is unintentional, merely the product of what they’ve been taught about how leaders behave. For some of them, though, to dissemble and deceive is quite deliberate. I’ve said this time and again, but I will repeat myself – I think it’s the height of naïveté to believe that you can count on the full and unvarnished truth from someone whom you suspect of dishonesty, simply because you ask him whether he’s telling the truth. I’m sorry, but such thinking is simply STUPID. If you have reason to believe that a person is being less than fully forthcoming with you, WHY would you think that the person is then going to turn around and be honest about his dishonesty?
Deceptive people aren’t gonna suddenly own up to their deceptiveness, just because one of their parishioners comes up and asks them about it! Duh! If you have reason to believe that someone is dishonest and/or manipulative, then chances are they will attempt to manipulate and deceive you when you confront them about it - ESPECIALLY when you confront them about it. Most of ‘em will not cave and fold like cheap lawn chairs and fully confess all, just because a member “brings an observation” to them. If anything, dishonest manipulators will merely ramp up their dishonesty and deception to another level. They will clean up the things that got you to suspect them – they will deal with the symptoms – but they will not actually address the real problems behind those symptoms.
And, like I said, some of these leaders/teachers don’t even fully grasp what they’re doing. They’ve been so indoctrinated and well-trained that they actually believe this is how ministry should be done – that THEY are “the authorities,” and it is their members’ duty to simply put up and shut up.
But yeah…
What I’m trying to get at is that I have no interest in anything that the leaders of Sovereign Grace Ministries would want to communicate about the things I’ve observed or that others have shared. It’s not anything against these leaders personally. It’s just that what the SGM defenders don’t seem to understand is that especially to those of us on the outside of SGM, what the leaders have to say holds no special authority over us.
Moreover, the opinions of those in leadership are no more valid than the opinions that we ourselves form about an issue through our own observations, through what our own eyes and ears (and guts) tell us. To believe otherwise is to embrace certain presuppositions that I think would be false.
So no, I will NOT be ringing up Corporate Headquarters in Gaithersburg anytime soon. They’re free to read here and learn whatever they can from what people have shared. They’re CERTAINLY free to turn from their previous bad behavior and faulty teachings and treat their members with respect, as true brothers and sisters in the Lord. They can implement changes – they don’t need to dialog with me to do that!
And I don’t need to dialog with them to discern what my own eyes and ears and logic tell me.
You know what else? Neither do you. Stop this foolishness of looking to your leaders to tell you what to think. Start thinking for yourself.
Sincerely,
Kris
December 14th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Kris said,
“I’ve been thinking about SGM’s “culture of confrontation,” and the pickiness and “eagle eye” toward sins and shortcomings that necessarily must go along with it. I think SGMers very quickly absorb the mindset that as long as one remains hyper-aware of one’s own wretched sinfulness, it then becomes completely acceptable – desirable, even – to confront others about their shortcomings.”
Kris,
This is actually the stuff that drives me the CRAZIEST about SGM. And it’s usually folks’ first indicator that something’s not quite right with an SGMer. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been present among a group of non-SGMers where this topic comes up at the mention of a SGMer.
Add to it the fact that many feel their way of doing things is the “biblical” way and you have an individual that “stands out in a crowd,” in a BAD way!
December 14th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Hey guys!
I am going to take a break from here… I am pretty sure I will come back some time in the future, but not soon. Hubby and I feel like it would be good to step back and such. I’ve asked Kris to edit/rename my posts, and I am sooo grateful she is willing to do that for me!
If anyone wants to contact me please feel free to email me foreverhugged@gmail.com
December 14th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
Scene: Opening prayer time at an SGM marriage conference. Husband and wife with strong, close, loving marriage are approached by a casual acquaintance, a member of the “prophetic team”, a woman who desires to share a “word” from the Lord. A few bystanders gather around and lay hands on husband and wife.
The woman speaks — voice quavers — eyes fill with tears. “The Lord gave me a picture of your marriage, that it has been dry for many years, like a tree beside a stream, but the roots have not gone down deep enough…..blah, blah, blah…. and the Lord desires that you blah, blah, blah….” Basically, an observation/ correction cloaked in a “word from the Lord.”
Husband and wife stood there politely and listened — couldn’t really move since they were attached to several hands-on prayers — and it went on forever. Prophesier was in tears at the end, emotionally undone. Husband and wife were mystified and on the verge of laughter or anger, but they actually thanked the crazy woman.
Now, had they been more well-schooled in the “observation and correction” business, they might have come right back to her and said, “We’d like to bring an observation that you are freakin’ nuts, and exactly who do you think you are speaking forth such hogwash without even asking our permission and attributing it to God, and furthermore, how about worrying about your own marriage and getting your nose out of ours!”
It’s enough to make you think that the cessationists just might be onto something…
And no, I have NEVER seen anything like that in a non-SGM setting.
December 15th, 2009 at 12:04 am
Nick – I just shot diet coke out of my nose you made me laugh so hard….
December 15th, 2009 at 12:19 am
Guy — well, after lo, these many years, picturing the Diet Coke spew makes the whole crazy experience worthwhile!
December 15th, 2009 at 6:07 am
Well, Guy, it was coffee that spewed through my nose. Certainly not as stinging as a diet coke.
Nick, that was hilarious! ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!
And what makes it so funny is the fact that it’s so true (I could totally picture the scene, Nick) and so many of us have experienced it.
Of course, it’s very sad, too. Sad that the people bringing the “word from the Lord” and “correction/observation” really believe they’re doing what God would have them to do and that there are those who hear it and believe it. Sad, sad, sad.
(And I wouldn’t be categorized as a cessationist. I believe God still brings us “a word.”)
December 15th, 2009 at 6:59 am
re #240 –
Thanks!
I appreciate your genuine humility and care for your parents.
I’ve got a busy day but will email you later.
P.S. – Re the book: Have you ever considered a pen name??
December 15th, 2009 at 8:12 am
What’s kinda scary about the scene that Nickname described is that if the recipients of such a “word from the Lord” weren’t very mature or secure in their marriage, that experience could easily sow doubts and actually CREATE the problems that the woman thought “the Lord” was addressing.
It’s insidious. The husband and wife in an otherwise great marriage might find themselves questioning things. “Hmm. What if it WAS the Lord speaking? He knows better than we do…and, after all, we DID have that fight the other day…”
Questioning and doubting oneself are valued in SGM as signs of “genuine humility.” Sometimes, they can be that. But more often, such second-guessing is just a symptom of not being very secure in one’s identity.
December 15th, 2009 at 8:44 am
“that experience could easily sow doubts and actually CREATE the problems that the woman thought “the Lord” was addressing.”
And How!!!
I would add that in this sort of creation, there is a lot of illusion and fear, that can create a rift as the spouses take observations of each other to their respective accountibility groups, begin to vent, sharing their new found concerns that were recently cultivated.
Oh Well.
Nothing like beating each other up with the observations of others.
December 15th, 2009 at 10:09 am
I found nickname’s scenario all too likely–and did not laugh at all.
I think it’s interesting that 30years for instance and others chastised folks for NOT using their real names, and Observer chastised SGMchick for using her real name.
SGMchick, I see you’ve adopted a handle now–and that’s fine. I think your decision to write a book and to use your own name or a nom de plume is completely that–your own decision.
December 15th, 2009 at 10:53 am
What I love is how the only “truly humble” response to correction is to agree with whatever the person bringing the observation says. There’s no room to say that the person is wrong in his assessment/observation.
December 15th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Acme {{hugs, friend}}, you said: “I think it’s interesting that 30years for instance and others chastised folks for NOT using their real names, and Observer chastised SGMchick for using her real name.”
That’s very interesting. We all know that IF we’d use our real names, SGM would do real things to fix the abuses! Without real names, there’s nothing they can do to help anyone! We all know that.
I think your observation is very good.
-Sid
December 15th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I was vacuuming just now (that Titus 2 thing), and something occurred to me. (I often have flashes of realization while vacuuming…go figure.)
About the whole “bringing an observation” thing -
I know that WWJD (“What Would Jesus Do?”) was mocked and disparaged in SGMville when it was all the vogue some years back. But every once in awhile, it can be interesting to see what Jesus actually did in response to certain things.
Now, we all know that Jesus was the perfect and sinless Son of God, so we obviously can’t always operate like He did. But it occurred to me just now that the Pharisees were ALWAYS “bringing observations” to Jesus. And some of their stuff I’m sure seemed legit to them, being scholars of the law and all. I mean, they were the experts. They knew precisely how to wash their hands and how everything should look, and what a holy life was like. I’m sure they truly believed, with all their hearts, that they had legitimate beefs with Jesus and His disciples (who, incidentally, were NOT sinless…and yet Jesus frequently came to their defense anyway).
(You can probably guess where I’m going with this.)
I think if we look at Jesus, we can see that sometimes – at least, when we know we’re not wrong – it’s got to be OK to reply in defense to an “observation.” True humility does not always require the canned SGM response of, “Thank you for that observation – I will prayerfully consider it.”
December 15th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Great minds… lol
I’ve been thinking along the same lines while doing my scripture reading the last couple of days.
December 15th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I haven’t read all 236 comments to see if this has been addressed yet, but the common misconception behind these requests to speak to leadership privately is a misinterpretation of Matt 18. In I Timothy, Paul says that to bring a charge against an elder you need 2 or 3 witnesses – and that is what this blog is. So, you are being perfectly Scriptural. I unpack this idea in my blog here: http://teenmaniahonoracademy.blogspot.com/2009/11/myth-of-matthew-18-confrontation.html
December 16th, 2009 at 7:45 am
Hey, Recovering Alumni…
Thanks for your comment, and welcome to the site.
Interesting blog post!
December 16th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Hi, all. I don’t know if anyone is still on this thread, but I had a thought I wanted to share and see what you all think.
Claireon & Sid (I think it was) were saying SGM worships a “different Jesus” and I was trying to wrap my head around that.
I think maybe they’re worshipping the CRUCIFIED Christ rather than the RISEN Christ. It’s the same body but a different Spirit (or something like that.)
It’s kind of like the concept of the “old self” (which has been crucified with Christ)vs. the “new self” (which has been raised to life).
They are trying to keep crucifying Him again and again – and trying to “mortify” our sin over and over again – when that’s already been DONE!
There are no more nail marks in His hands!
Does that make any sense to anyone but me?
December 16th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
I just re-read that post and it sounded rather harsh. I just mean that the focus on the cross, the cross, the cross over and over is only half of the gospel. That’s not good news in and of itself. The good news is that God raised Him from the dead!
December 16th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Observer,
I know that while we were at our SGM church (a relatively brief time, less than a year), I always had the nagging sense that something about the teachings wasn’t quite right. I couldn’t figure out what it was, though, till I was interacting with folks here, and somehow we got to talking about Romans 6-7. I believe that is where the verse, “Oh, wretched man that I am…” is (at the end of Romans 7, too lazy to go look it up right this moment).
As we were having that discussion, it occurred to me that at least at our SGM church, the overall mentality had remained mired in Romans 6-7, and had never moved on to Romans 8 (“Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through Christ Jesus…”).
Initially, our SGM church’s focus on our sin and our sinfulness was refreshing, actually. I think that some of Evangelical Christianity can be unbalanced in the other direction, rarely if ever dealing with the topic of sin. But after awhile, if our focus remains on our sin, and if Jesus remains on the cross, it can feel like we get stuck in a cycle of continual enslavement to sin – as the Apostle Paul alluded to in Romans 6-7.
If we focus instead on the risen Lord, and the good works which He has already ordained for us to do, according to Ephesians 2:10, then we break out of that cycle of sin and despair. We lose the chains.
It seems to me that this is the biggest danger of remaining so obsessed with Jesus-on-the-cross, rather than obsessing over the full picture of Jesus-as-having-been-on-the-cross-but-is-now-risen.
December 16th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Kris – I totally agree. I read through Romans 8 the other night, and our pastor recently did a series on Galatians. Such freedom here!! Sad to say, but in all my years at SGM I don’t remember ever hearing a teaching about either of those passages/books. And, I agree, the doctrine of sin is important. I believe that’s probably what God was telling them to preach at that time. It just seems like we shouldn’t dwell there, but move on.
I’ve also been thinking about the verse that talks about the Holy Spirit being like a wind that we can’t see and we never know what direction it’s going to take (sorry, I can’t quote exactly and couldn’t tell you off had where it is, but I’m hoping you know the passage) I think that means that at any point the Holy Spirit could lead us in a different direction doctrinally, and we need to be ready to move with the Spirit’s leading. Otherwise we’re beginning with the Spirit and trying to finish in the flesh. We need to constantly be listening to what God is saying to us and be ready to move with that, even if it’s a totally new (or opposite) direction. I think this goes for everything in life – learning to be “led” by the Spirit. Still trying to work that one out in my life…
December 16th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Observer — #267 — This is something I’ve often remarked on, something many of us have discovered. When we first went to our SGM church, after coming out of a reformed church, we were so glad to REJOICE in the risen Lord for a change. When SGM began preaching about the cross, I was glad they had become what seemed to me more theologically educated in their thinking. But, in the same way that people often get stuck in one mode of grief, SGM seemed to get stuck on one topic within the spectrum of birth, death, & resurrection. The complete focus on sin is comparable to a complete focus on one person of the Trinity to the exclusion of the others. But if you ask me, it’s the WHOLE gospel — not just one part — that makes us WHOLE.
December 16th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Observer,
You are free! You are free to worship the RISEN Christ! You don’t have to sing those “I’m unworthy, I’m a wretched sinner, I need you to save me over and over again” songs ever again! Because he ALREADY did it! You got that right!
Now, I have to add to it. SGM worships these gods also:
CJ
homeschool
courting
modesty
women don’t work
proper way to raise kids
proper way to spank kids
“stop dating the church”
watch your media
watch your sports
gotta do fellowship this way
gotta do marriage that way
add all that crap to the Gospel of salvation and you have Gospel PLUS a whole bunch of works. Works Works Works.
I can’t decide if SGM is just a spin-off from catholocism or if it’s just a cult in and of itself.
Again, sorry to be harsh. Sorry if you don’t think my tone is appropriate. It’s not going to change.
-Sid
December 16th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Give me a few minutes and I’ll come up with some more:
let’s all live in the same neighborhood
let’s all go to the same doctors…who just so happen to go to our church
public school: BIG NO NO!!!!
let’s all talk the same
and wear our hair the same
and wear the same sorts of clothes
December 16th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Interesting list, Sid.
I will say that one area where I sort of agree with them is the whole dating/ courtship thing. Their strong stance on this is actually something that attracted me to SGM, after having gone to a Christian college and seeing others fall into sin in this area (This was actually even before Josh Harris was around.) The problem is that the focus became on “dating” or “courtship” rather than the more biblical term “purity” – and it became a methodology instead of allowing for spirit-led decision on the part of individuals. And, it also let to some serious “weirdness”. I had the pastor of my current church greet me the other day and briefly put a hand on my shoulder in a nice, friendly way. I commented to my husband how refreshingly normal that was! There were many men in SGM who really wouldn’t even have a conversation with me as a married woman. Something not quite right there.
My take on it, anyway.
December 16th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Observer, here’s how I think this “becomes” Jesus….in SGM, you’re taught how to act and how to live and how to work and where to live and blah blah blah…and that’s your focus all the time. You’re watching your sports and watching your media and watching your daughter’s modesty…the list goes on. When you’re doing all these things all the time, it kinda consumes you, doesn’t it? I find that, while I was in SGM, I was so wound up in a manic state all the time. Worrying about how my house looked in case someone stopped by. Worrying about if I was watching too much tv. Or worrying about if that show glorified God. Or, if I wanted to miss care group, what would happen…..or what I wore, how I entertained, how I was serving etc. Doesn’t it just make your head spin?
CJ always did those teachings about “spinning plates.” That was a great ploy. Mind games! TOTAL mind games. (sorry…I am going to call it like I see it.) You TELL people not to spin plates, but then every teaching has you spinning plates. Every thing that is exemplified for you has you spinning plates. Every SGM-written book has you spinning plates… You can read a blog for every aspect of life and trying to live out each one to the best SGM laid-out way…well, you’re gonna spin plates.
I’m getting manic just thinking about it.
Normal church doesn’t do this. Normal christianity doesn’t act this way. This is all extra stuff that SGM has added in to make it’s perfect little utopia. But, in the end, you just end up worshiping all the works.
December 16th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Sid – You mention the same, the same, the same…
I think God delights in variety! He has made each of us differently. We have uniques gifts, talents and abilities. Some are called to home school, some to public school. Some to work, some to stay home. Some to be married, some to stay single. etc., etc. And, at different times in our lives we may be called to different things. (Cue music, “To everything turn, turn, turn”)
It squelches our God-given individuality when we are all expected to fit a particular mold. And, I think it limits the kindgom of God because then we are only relating to other people like us and we make ourselves unrelateable to the average old Joe Blo on the street.
And you forgot reading the same books. I think we need a balanced Christian reading diet (primarily, of course, the word of God). No one “branch” of Christianity will have a corner on the truth – and I think God is intentional about that. We need to be more open to the fact that God can speak through anything or anyone (sometimes even unbelievers – shock!) We should never be afraid or hesitant to read anything unless overtly sinful (and in that case hopefully God will show us). We then need to use our own discernment to determine what “nuggets” we take from where.
And, we may even change what and how we believe as time goes on. And, that’s okay!
Sorry, I’m getting long-winded again. As I said, brevity is not my specialty…
Good point, Sid!
December 16th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Or the body analogy: the eye, the hand, the feet, etc. We can’t and shouldn’t be all the same – or else the body (the church as a whole) will not work the way it’s supposed to.
I’m with you, sister!
December 16th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Recovering Alumni-
Welcome-interesting site you have about Teen Mania….correct me if I’m wrong-but didn’t someone mention that Ron Luce had been a part of SGM/PDI back in the early days?
December 16th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Hi, all.
On another note – Being straightforward here – I’ve been thinking about what you all said about me coming in here and “offering up correction” right away. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing because it seemed from reading your posts that you were very quick to criticize SGM for not receiving input, but also very quick to “turn away” those who didn’t agree with you. Frankly, it seemed very hypocritical.
I did not want to apologize because I do not believe in “pat” apologies – like when we make our kids say, “I forgive you” to their siblings but they don’t really mean it from their hearts – and I did not feel convicted by God that I had done anything wrong. So, I’ve been thinking about whether or not I was truly in the wrong…
While I still don’t think anything in my initial post was “wrong” (maybe God will convict me later, I don’t know), I do see your point about hanging out here and getting to know you all first before making any “observations.” I was just trying to “test the waters” and see if I wanted to “swim in this pond.” It’s a little weird not knowing you to try to decide if I want to be spending time here or not.
But, you’re right. I should not have been so quick to correct. I was guilty of the same hypocrisy I was charging you with.
So, please forgive me.
Observer
P.S. Should I change my name? I’m thinking of “thinking”…
December 16th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
December 16th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Observer,
Thanks on all fronts. I appreciate the conversation. And the understanding.
I’ve been thinking of changing my name too! Probably just to Sid…since I’ve been around awhile and I don’t normally go by my full name anyway.
-Sid
December 17th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Hi, all. Observer here with a new name. I decided on “listener” (Maybe I could change my name every week or so and be the “multiple personality” poster!
)
I’ve been thinking… I was arrogant and self-righteous. Please forgive me.
For whatever reason I think I’m supposed to be here, so I’m going to just hang out and “listen in” for a while.
Blessings to all,
Listener
December 17th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Sid,
You mentioned CJ’s famous “Spinning Plates” teaching…and how it seemed to contradict so much else that was taught in SGM at the same time…
I think you’ve touched on what I would consider one of SGM’s most dangerous issues, something that is insidious because it’s REALLY REALLY HARD to pick up on. And that is that even as half of what comes out of SGM pastors’ mouths is “grace-grace-grace” and “you don’t have to try so hard” (like in CJ’s “Plates” message), the majority of what is taught is still all about what we must DO to “attract more of God’s grace” (a loose quote from CJ’s “Humility” book).
In other words, the pastor’s WORDS will be saying something that on the surface sounds so good and correct and grace-filled…but if you combine the message with every other message, it nonetheless is still all about WORK.
This is actually a documented characteristic of dysfunctional (some would say “cultic”) ministries. Remember the post from a couple of weeks ago entitled Red Flags? (http://www.sgmsurvivors.com/?p=1302) Well, here is a quote from that post – pay special attention to the part in bold:
So here’s how it happens in SGM: at least half the time – often more – what is talked about from the pulpit ultimately focuses on what people must DO. Frequently, though, it will be couched in terms that SEEM to be about “grace.”
For instance, because Claireon brought it up the other day, I dug up the transcript I’d done of Greg Somerville’s teaching on how to choose a method of schooling for one’s children. I’ve never published that transcript – I’ve grown weary of the topic of homeschooling and the inevitable heated debates that follow when the subject comes up. But it’s utterly fascinating to see how Mr. Somerville talks about the different kinds of educational options. On the surface, at least – if someone were just casually listening, and not wearing their “SGM Discernment Ears” – it SOUNDS like he is being open-minded and not endorsing a particular approach. But the way he says certain things makes it clear that he views certain choices as being much “wiser” than other choices.
He made a statement to the effect of, “Perhaps God will give you the grace to homeschool…”
Now, on the surface of that sentence, he is saying nothing particularly provocative. But if you take a moment to actually THINK about the impact of his words, it becomes a whole different story. First of all, Mr. Somerville NEVER uses a similar kind of statement about the other schooling options (which he defines as Christian school, public school, and private secular school). He NEVER says, “Perhaps God will give you the grace to put your children in public school.” Instead, he reserves the “give you the grace” aspect for homeschooling only.
But what in the world does that phrase MEAN, anyway? “God will ‘give you the grace‘ for XYZ lifestyle option”?????
Clearly, if God “gives one the grace” to do something, then that thing is something that God regards as desirable – correct? But, more importantly for our discussion here, if you make a particular lifestyle choice, and are working hard at that lifestyle choice (who among us would deny that homeschooling – when done properly – is hard work?), it’s very difficult to discern where your hard work stops and where God’s grace begins.
So inevitably, when the word “grace” is associated with a particular approach or strategy for the Christian life, two things happen. First of all, that approach is automatically elevated in listeners’ minds, because (as I already pointed out) if God has to give someone extra grace to do a particular thing, then that thing must be more desirable to Him. But secondly, “grace” becomes all enmeshed in a certain specific set of ACTIONS, a specific set of WORKS.
For instance, if I get up in the morning and run 3 miles on an almost-daily basis (which, by the way, I actually do…contrary to the folks who think I spend all my time blogging in my pajamas
), there is an aspect of that that, yes, IS about “God’s grace.” God has granted me enough health to do that. God has worked in me to help me get over some of my natural laziness. God has developed a measure of self-discipline in me.
BUT…there’s a big aspect of exercising that is really not about anything particularly miraculous. There’s a huge part of it that is simply, as the old Nike ads used to say, about “just doing it.” Although I recognize – theoretically – God’s grace as an element of my workouts, I simply cannot think too much about that part of it, because if I do, I probably will stop forcing myself to get on the treadmill and JUST RUN.
Moreover – and this is the sticky part – if I attach a spiritual significance (“more of God’s blessing” or “more of God’s grace”) to a particular set of behaviors, then I can easily start to feel spiritually superior to the person who does not engage in those behaviors. Moreover, what happens when I fall off the wagon and quit my good habits for awhile? Did I somehow “lose grace” in that?
Think of the person who tried homeschooling but didn’t (for whatever reason) like it or wasn’t successful at it. Was that God’s “fault” for NOT “giving them the grace” to homeschool?
Now…
Put all this “grace” talk together with the notion of spinning plates.
It simply sends the ultimate mixed message.
All this energy and time are focused on talking about specific approaches to the Christian life – what people must DO. But then, like the proverbial cherry on top, SGMers are also fed another message, that all the stuff they DO is actually grace…so they don’t have to try so hard to spin all those plates…
Ultimately, even the effort of NOT spinning plates is added to the list of stuff that people must DO.
Constantly being fed mixed messages like this will lead to severe cognitive dissonance, where what is being SAID actually contradicts the day-to-day reality of life in the organization.
And it’s especially confusing because at least half the audience will never actually HEAR or PICK UP ON this whole dynamic. The people who aren’t entrenched in SGM life (the non-SGM outsiders) will only hear the words about not spinning plates and come away with the notion that, “Wow, that CJ is an amazing teacher who tells us not to try so hard.” Another percentage of the audience is from that segment of the population that already has their act together and is doing all those good things anyway, so they also don’t feel particularly burdened or conflicted.
But then there are the rest of us who hear the “Try harder not to try” message and want to run screaming for the hills…
December 17th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Kris — #283 — you’ve touched on something that has astounded me for years. I often hear SGM’ers say something like “I just don’t have the grace for that.” What a terrible thing to say, when scripture tells us that God’s grace is SUFFICIENT.
If you don’t want to do something, or aren’t called to do something, or don’t have time to do something — just DON’T do it — and don’t blame it on God for not giving grace.
And your reference to #7 – excellence or legalism?
I thought of a dear friend who taught Bible studies for years. One day, her wealthy executive husband ran off with the woman who cut his hair. As she sorted out all the issues and grieved, she said, “For years, I taught GRACE but lived WORKS.”
December 17th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Kris, thanks for unpacking that. I think your example of homeschool is a good one.
I’d just like to add, as you already know, it’s not just any one thing at any given time. At any given time, someone might be trying to “have grace” to:
homeschool
have another baby
“co-labor” alongside their husband as he leads care group
entertain er “hospitality” events at home
keep a clean and tidy home
be “available” for hubby
attend numerous functions at church each week
teach a homeschool co-op
prepare her daughters for being a wife and mother
have a quiet time every morning
read books
What else? The “grace” God is giving you could be for dozens of things at any given time. And that is way too much pressure for any one person.
And since I am wholly convinced that CJ et al don’t do anything that’s not already well planned out and quite “strategic,” what I’d like to hear is what you think the motivation is for this. (I have my opinion…but…)
Sid
December 19th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Wow Kris!
Folks reading…ESPECIALLY those currently in a Sovereign Grace Ministries church…I hope you carefully read, and reread “Comment #283.”
I’m praying for all those in SGM this holiday season. I’m praying that God will give you the ability to discern what it is you’re *REALLY* hearing, seeing, and reading in SGM.
My heart is heavy this Christmas season for my SGM brothers and sisters-in-Christ who are living “lives of quiet desperation.”
December 21st, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Observer/Listener #279/282
From what I remember about your first post, you made your point in the first paragraph, but then it went on and on…my thought at the time was that just the length of it made it seem like you were really trying to hammer it home. Perhaps that was why it was not well received.
Thanks for having the character to not just play humble and automatically apologize, but to wait for the Spirit’s leading and guidance.
February 8th, 2010 at 6:11 pm
If no one has said it yet (there are a lot of comments), you have a lot of fears that aren’t godly bro. Follow the Bible, Matthew 18. I’m praying for the reconciliation between two groups of people that God calls “children”…